There are two paradoxes in forgiveness. A paradox is an apparent contradiction that's not a contradiction. First, you give goodness to the person who hurt you which is not expected. And then as you give to them it looks like you're doing all the giving and they're doing all the getting and you're wasting away. But the second paradox is you become stronger and you become emotionally healed.
In our research over the past couple of decades, clearly shows that when people take the time to forgive and it takes time and it is a struggle, they can experience the kind of healing that surprised me at the beginning of this research 30 years ago and why I think forgiveness is such an amazing relationship adaptation, and it's an amazing psychotherapy and it should be an amazing part of education for us all: "How to forgive?"